Today, the Terrorists Won

These two, huh?

Today, just about every theater in America decided against screening the upcoming Comedy “The Interview”. A violation of free speech? Perhaps. A grim look at the future? Maybe. Completely and totally a dick move on the part of North Korea. WITHOUT A DOUBT.

I’m not here to argue or nitpick about the first amendment and whose right it is to do what. No, instead, I am here to mourn the end of a terrific streak. Far mightier than Cal Ripken’s consecutive start record. Way cooler than the Undertaker. I’m talking about the streak of movies I’ve had my butt in the seat for which starred Seth Rogen.

Not a single one has let me down!

And yet, now it is broken. It will lay in the annals of time as one of the most historic days of our lives: the day the beautiful, wonderful, Semitic Superhero known as Seth Rogen was stripped of his title as “Comedy King”.

I even loved “The Green Hornet”. Can you believe it? “The Green Hornet”. Saw it twice.

Now one may argue that this is a bad look for America, and to that I say “nevermind!” There is a bigger issue at hand here. These Freaks and Geeks over at North Korea have taken this thing too far. Blow up a school, nuke a nursing home for Christ’s sake. But why attack Seth? For what? For trying to make us laugh?

It’s wrong, North Korea. It’s wrong. However, I will thank you for this. You have now given us a valid reason for pirating. We’re still going to see this movie, North Korea. We stand, hands across America, our fingers to our mouses ready to eat up those GBs, son. We will not go quietly into the night. Instead, we will march valiantly to our rooms, dens, and man-caves.

We will download. We will see a depiction of your leader fall on 13″-17″ monitors everywhere. Some people will even have two screens. You can take our popcorn, but you can never have.. OUR BANDWIDTH!

South Korea is where it’s at anyway, honestly,