Tag Archives: Nicki Minaj

Jerking off to Nicki Minaj

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I gave in. That Anaconda video is just too damn dope. I’ve always found her beautiful, but now that she has decided to go with more of a natural look, there is just no denying that Ms. Onika Minja is a true beauty. Do I think some of her assets are fake? Sure, but by that logic I shouldn’t eat Kraft Singles and I’m not giving those up anytime soon. So far you can see the gratification derived from sexual imagery and food that makes up my pleasure center.

I did it with Cocoa Butter as opposed to Jergens. Seemed appropriate.

There’s a rumor that she hooked up with Zac Efron. I like to think I’m the real world Zac Efron, in the sense that I’m charming, witty, talented but I just have the body type of a wet bag of laundry. Deep down, I feel eventually Zac Efron will give up and find himself jerking off to Nicki Minaj, late night, six pack abs having given way to a cookie dough factory of a stomach and a really mangy beard that would get him through the harshest of Minnesota winters.

I’m pretty sure this is what my ancestors died for in the Civil War. The right for me to jerk off to Nicki Minaj. Actually I’m pretty sure my ancestors came over on a boat long after slavery with their stupid, Irish dirt faces gnawing on potatoes and picking lice out of their stupid, Irish red-beards but it’s sounds cooler to say they fought for the North rather than that scenario, or the adverse, giving Nicki Minaj’s great-greats 40 lashes.

In the great words of the hip hop group Dead Prez — “fuck welfare, we say reparations.” Hopefully one day someone owns up to the travesties and supplies 40 acres and a mule for those effected by such a dark time in American history. We undoubtedly have enough acres, I think the problem is coming up with 41,096,749 mules for the estimated African American population.

Anyways, Nick Minaj could get it.

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